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Want To, But Can't Step outside your comfort zone
I want to. . .
I want to break free of these restraints
that hold me into place.
These heavy, depressing weights that chain
me to a place of safeness.
I want to be released and allowed to
feel life; to feel what life really is,
not what my meager existence has only
allowed me to glimpse.
but I can't. . .
Because the little glimpses I've had have
frightened me. They have left me hurt and wounded,
with the judging eyes of others burned into
my already too, fragile soul.
The bits I've experienced have left me broken,
thinking, "What's the point?
No one likes you anyway. You're unlikeable.
Get out there and introduce yourself
And I want to. . .
I want to go out to dinners with large
groups and laugh, smile, and chat.
I want to dance the night away and not
worry what anyone else thinks of me.
I want to invite people to go places,
to hang out. I want to drive do
Rose ColoredLiving life in
a medicine induced
because everything is
so much prettier
behind rose colored
and reality is
much too "real"
to face any other
Tongue of SnakeSerpent's tongue
forked and spit;
waiting for some unsuspecting mouse
to dart your way.
of cruel intent;
more than your dislocating jaws
could ever handle.
When I walked passed
Had me fooled for a moment,
thinking, this would be the
end of everything I'd known
and thought would be.
But I realized your venom
isn't as powerful as you think.
I am no small, helpless mouse
letting herself be devoured.
Just because you're a snake
doesn't mean you have an advantage over me.
Face it Snake,
I'm a Wolf,
and you aren't the only one
Grace the SkyBroken; before I knew
there was any other way
I exited the womb
with tattered wings
I was never meant
ExpectationsPainted this elaborate portrait
of what I thought love should be.
Placed all the pieces just so,
to fit all of my needs.
Made room for some allowances,
since people are imperfect.
Then you strolled into my picture
and almost everything was perfect.
The distance wasn't planned but,
it was something I could work through.
Some of your quirks weren't planned but,
I thought "Hey, that' just you."
We seemed a perfect match the way
everything seemed to line up.
Then you ripped down my portrait
and light it on fire.
I watched it burn as tears fell
and hit the dry, hard ground.
Watched you pick up the pieces and
scatter them all around.
I tried to tell myself it was okay.
I was being to restraining.
Said we could still make it work.
But you just walked away.
Now, I have no guidelines to follow.
No way to fix this mess.
No plans for my future now,
I'm just cold, hurt, and depressed.
No matter how many times I paint it again;
it will never be like the first.
I can't create that splendid
Liquid FireHeart becomes heavy
as if it is a lava cracked stone.
The volcanic liquid swirling,
lines of flowing fire shine through
a grey, fractured vessel;
struggling to pump life within.
Causing me to wonder,
Who will ever put out this flame
and help me cool this rapid, aching, burn
that resides inside of me?
Who will put an end to all my suffering?
Because you can only survive so long
with a heart made of stone and
WonderI wonder what you're doing now.
If you're thinking of me.
If I did something to make you upset.
If I did something wrong.
Did I say something to offend you?
Did I overstep in some way?
Am I just overreacting?
Because I never know if I am.
I will back away for now.
Give you some space.
But still I can't shake the anxious feeling
that will not go away.
I know I worry too much.
It's a natural born fact.
So I guess I'll go to sleep now.
And dream of a time when we were alright.
I wonder what you're doing now.
If you're thinking of me.
So I'll just go to sleep now.
Honey Coated LieI have never been beautiful.
I wasn't blessed in that way.
Yet, you told me I was to you
and spoon fed me that honey coated lie.
I ate up every bit of it,
longing to believe someone could
believe it was so; and stupidly
I fell for your falsehoods.
I should have seen passed the facade.
Should've seen you were only using me.
Before I stepped forward,
to eat that sweet honey,
I should've looked below my feet.
Because bear traps snap faster than
And their grip is a strong hold
making you lose all control and reason.
When I begged you to set me free,
you never answered my call.
I guess wishing to be beautiful,
being told you're beautiful,
doesn't make it the real thing.
'X'Heaviness weighs her down.
Pressure so great she will explode.
Marks an 'X' on her wrist in red.
Signifying she's already dead.
Time trampled out the last bit of hope.
Hung her up with a cord of rope.
Left her grasping for a finally breath.
Longing for some kind of rest.
Yet, she lives on.
For each time she passes someone else
they pull on the dangling end.
She knows she can't last much longer.
And she prays for the day to come soon.
Agony burdens her shoulder.
Depression so cumbersome she can't go on.
Marks an 'X' on her wrist in black.
Signifying there's no going back.
I Tear My Skin AwayI Tear My Skin Away
I tear this skin from my body,
Even if the world screams,
That I am only an illusion.
I tear the bones from my legs,
Through pain, I will grow,
Through suffering, I will become.
I rip the muscles from my arms,
These teeth from my jaws...
And with nothing upon me,
I carry on...
Like a broken puppet, still shivering,
Still forcing its way through the darkness;
I tremble for I am nothing...
And yet, I am moving. My voice still screams...
I draw breath into these tired lungs,
As I rip the flesh away...
And I shatter these mirrors before me,
With a voice that will not break:
Because the world cannot label me as nothing,
And I will live for my own sake!
"So tell me, is that all the pain you've got for me?"
I screamMy scream is loud.
My scream is honest.
My scream is desperate.
My scream is filled with truth.
Why would nobody hear me?
dearly belovedthese days
your name has been slipping
in and out of my rib cage
my heart forgets to beat.
how even after all these months i still
don't want to believe that
you're dead. how during the
first couple of weeks i prayed
to a god i didn't believe in and begged to know
if death tasted sweet to you. how once,
when the monsters in my head
didn't let me sleep, i
wrote you three poems and then
you were a supernova that
lit up my life for
a few radiant moments before,
like all good things in this
you came to an end.
the sinner in me hopes that you have wings now.
but i think that,
most of all,
i hope you no longer
remember what pain
Those Green Eyes (Or: Don't Lie to Your Kid)Those green eyes -
The green of joy
The green of hope
The green of love and acceptance -
Were always full of lies.
They first lied when I said,
After a nightmare at four am
When I was too small to reach a light switch,
“Will you ever leave me?”
And those eyes said,
Why did those green eyes
Shut when I needed them most?
"Are you okay?"
Would be a red line
That I would etch into myself
Those green eyes melted.
Those green eyes did shine
And I knew what it was -
I was young, not stupid -
But I indulged the lie,
For those green eyes.
"Will it get better?"
I asked one sunny Saturday
At ten in the morning
And those green eyes looked away;
“And you’ll be here forever?”
There were no words.
I made up my own affirmative.
Those green eyes -
When they saw
How I’d rubbed myself raw
notes on a matchbook love.if I were the type
to say how I really felt,
I'd tell you that
I hope you choke on your apologies
like they're arsenic
and your nails are already
with the poison.
I'd let you know
that I'll never be a body
for you to touch
just because I know that's all you want.
I'll never be a fairy in a bottle
at your waist.
this is no storybook, and
I am no myth.
hear my silence,
feel the cold absence
respond to your weak "I'm sorry"s.
I beg you,
stop digging the hole,
stop, just stop.
Hush and watch the flames
engulf the image you sold me.
you can tell me
I'm beautiful as much
as you want,
but I know that it's not enough,
that you'll always want more,
that you've been a wolf
between my legs all this time
and my fingers are bruised
from holding the leash.
now every time you whisper
"please be okay",
I will always tell you that
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I will forever pretend
that I've grown up from you,
that I've become a mystery
Wrists.Wrists are not made,
To be cut up by cold blades.
Blood was meant to stay in your veins,
Not to be drained.
From your body,
You're stronger than that,
I know a person can only take,
Until they break.
And you have your doubts,
And when you lay in bed,
The pain is all you think about.
But you're so much more,
Than your heart aches.
So much more,
Than your demons.
Even if you feel,
Like your dying,
And you are through with trying,
Because all you've been doing lately is crying.
I want you to know,
That no, you're not alone.
And you re going to survive.
Please just drop your knife,
Because you're going to,
Make it out alive.
words, wonderlight has faded and words are heavy,
but there is a delicate magic
twisting between your fingers.
it is all a-scribble
melisma without music;
syllables stitching terra firma
to firmament in intricate
stanzas that require
neither breath nor sound
to echo, infinite,
within the depths
of susurrous souls.
it is cold and it is dark,
but there is a fire in you
and you use it with a fierce grace
that illuminates the shadows,
and ignites the demons
until not even the grey spaces
that haunt and harry
can hold dominion.
they are exposed
they are broken
into shards of sunrise
and rays of a quiet
you scare away the night
with exhalations that blow
away the fogged emptiness
inside, over and over,
sparking fireworks from
what was thought
to be ash.
I Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger TogetherI Know You're Strong, Let's Be Stronger Together
if i’m being completely honest,
i can’t say i know what you’re goin’ through.
and if i’m being frank,
i’m sort of afraid to write this
because i’ve always been unsure
if i love too much but it’s my nature
and i’d rather lose by trying too hard
than to do so without doing enough.
i hope you’re asleep now
and i hope you don’t read this
till the morning and i hope by then
things will be a little lighter
but i’m hoping against hope
because if you don’t know,
i feel when things are off.
call it intuition, call it a feelin’,
say i just know it.
my friend, my door is always open
even when you’re feeling closed
off to the world and right there,
i can understand that feeling well,
because i still feel we relate to one another
better than most brothers understand their sisters.
know i look at you as a sibling
and i believe we know when the other
UntitledLike an addiction I can't shake
Every time I try to give you up
I end up wanting more
And feeling like I need more
I know I should back off
Take a step back
Give some away
But I can't
If I lose you
Then I feel horrible
Must resurrect you
Because I can't bare to let you die
Can't bare to let you go
When I'm away
I think of you
Wonder if you are okay
If you are surviving
While I am gone
I spend hours and hours on end
Checking you and gaining more
Why do I do this?
Why do I drive myself insane?
Getting on multiple times every day
Just to get more
You are my worst addiction
I will never be able to shake
Keep in Touch!
scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More